I had to leave work early today because I just could not take the smell of my co-workers farts. It’s a very human thing I realize but this is anything but human like. I have an awesome job so I can’t complain there, but the stench of our small area is unbearable almost daily. I have like six air fresheners, fans, etc. and nothing will work. We work in a relatively tight area and the guy who sits behind me just rips them constantly and has a shit eating grin on his face each time. He’s a respectable guy but I wouldn’t want to change his diaper. I would imagine they might be green and other abnormal colors, with dingle berries galore. The worst part is my co-worker next to him is somehow significantly worse. He orders a foot long sub for lunch with the works and takes like one chomp before swallowing huge bites. Then he’ll proceed to have gas for three hours plus. He has great range too, hitting the high and low notes fast or slow. He can let out one giant fart, twenty little ones a in a row and it rarely stops before 5 o’clock. If you name a style and stench of fart he can do it. He has had to leave work early a few times for both ripping his boxers and sharting. These two bozos are also hot sauce connoisseurs so they constantly put loads of hot sauce on everything. This adds more frequency to the farting and a nice spice to each one. I’m coming in to work tomorrow with a gas mask and level 3 bio-hazard suit so I can hopefully make it in to my 40′s.