So my idiot neighbor insists on talking to me about absolutely anything he can think of. If I’m going out to get the mail he somehow darts out of his home and sneaks up on me before I can run. He’s like a smelly ninja or something. I try to ignore or pretend I don’t hear him as I jet back inside but some days you just can’t avoid him. He knows I follow sports closely, so the big sports news from two weeks ago will get brought up as if I was in a coma and didn’t hear about it. Worst of all when he comes out he insists on being about 18-24 inches or less from my face. I constantly back up and turn but he just moves accordingly to stay right in my face, like we’re doing the samba. He usually has crust on his face from a meal he had two days ago and his un-brushed snaggle tooth is three shades of yellow/brown. His breath could literally and legally be considered a pollutant by the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency). It smells like a sewer for the public restrooms at a NASCAR event outside the taco stand. I’ve thought about bringing over some toothpaste, floss, new toothbrush, mouthwash and some sulfuric acid to possibly help the situation. I can’t stay inside all day I have to mow the lawn, get the mail, etc and I’m honestly out of ideas. I’ll take any and all suggestions that are legal.