ASS! That is all…

S.W., who works as a technologist in santa monica, is a horrible, horrible manager. he’s demeaning, inappropriate in the workplace, and is constantly in an emotional outlash. i have been verbally abused on a regular basis while working for him. if only the powers at be knew the truth.

I was talking to an old friend the other day and he said to me that to be alone was a state of mind! I argued, No it is not! You see if u take a sentence like: the old man sat sad and alone on the bench next to his wifes grave! We see that, “old” is a state of mind, becuz it is an opinion.
However, the man is sad and alone, it is a fact that he is alone due to his wife’s death and it is a fact that he is sad!

Now my friend then argues, that it is a choice that the man was alone… I argued, no its not,
Simply because of the fact thhat he may not have had children- due to a health condition, and that he was too sad to get over his wife That he simply does not want to be with anyone else!

I am alone….. Sad and alone like the old man…. I’m not old. I’m not male, and I’m most certainly not sad due to any loss what’s so ever. Although you could say it was a loss, a loss of dignity, selfworth, pride in myself, a loss of hope or any faith in seeing further progress In my circumstance. I’m at a loss for words to describe my pain, the anguish and depression that this loneliness has brought. Now each time I’m hurt, (which seems to be a lot lately) I start to find myself thinking or saying, leave me alone. Like I actually find that pain More comforting than the pain of hurt. Then afterward I regret it.

The reason I find myself alone is because I think I give too much, now people are just starting to take advantage. My own father even springs to the opportunity of giving me second best option. Some “good friends” of mine. Actually have the heart To leave me second best in terms of their time. Say if I have a fight with my mother, I can’t call anyone I find myself alone, crying into my pillow, Wishing that I had a true friend in the world, becuz I know if I called up one of these genuine people it would go somthing to the effect of, Oh I’m with my bf -i’ll call u later. Then I find later actually means “I’ll think about calling you sometime next month” And it irritates me! Becuz u truely believe that I’m worth more than they’re all giving me. I’m alone because I’m the only one that thinks that.

The whole world can’t be wrong, so is second best all I should settle with? Even if I am giving it all my best do u think Alone is better than waiting for the best to come my way. And that’s the reason I’ll die alone. Becuz every male being in South Africa seems to think that he is worth more than the microsoft man himself! And I refuse to accept another person into my life that’s just going to take from me summore and leave me with no rewards?

Does that make me selfish? NO!! Does that make me want to cry!! Yes!!! Of course, but I suppose, being alone is the loneliest place for a reason Its the place where we as humans learn how to deal with depression, and anger….

I normally take a poop daily, occasionally it’s like 1.5 days but usually I don’t have any issues. However I have not pooped in almost three days and I’m starting to get some pains in my stomach area. Yes I tried pushing hard and I’ve also tried relaxing, neither work. I think I know how Randy from South Park felt now. I want to take some sort of laxative but I have a big interview tomorrow that may last 1 – 3 hours according to the paperwork I received. I don’t want to be pinching cheeks for that long and possibly sharting during my interview. I do realize if something doesn’t give I may have a serious problem. Praying for a bowel movement…..

I have a muffin top, i am popping out of my pants I have stayed active and eaten healthy for over a year, I’ve lost 21 lbs only to gain it back as soon as holiday seaon hit. Why the fuck am I still fat??!!!!??????

Its all I think about now. Food, when to eat it, what not to eat. I am absolutely obsessed. I am fat, no plump, no fat, AWWWW forget it! I give up on diet and exercise. I’m none the better for it! I’m going to go dip into the company candy jar!!!

Shoveling snow sucks. Every time there’s a snow storm I got to dig myself out and clean my car off. There’s so much work to do before I even get to work. It’s cold and my back hurts. Nothing good comes out of a snow storm for me.

Shopping this time of year sucks. The malls are mobbed with chaos in stores, parking lots and the roads. Stores are a mess when you go there because of all the people rummaging. If you live anywhere near a shopping center or mall it all spills into your daily routine. Everyone buys presents to only have them returned. Everything becomes a hassle.

Dear People,

I have my own box of complaints , he is my friend . For security purposes I will name him “Mr. Teddy Bear” in this complaint . Lately , Mr. Teddy Bear has been complaining because apparently I have been complaining too frequently these past days . Now is that acceptable ; for a box of complaints to all of a sudden commence to complain ???

Sincerely ,
A Lover of Complaints

I am not saying my life issues are more important than the next person!
I just want to be heard! I was sitting in the bath yesterday when I realized how much I actually do for people!
And how little they actually do for me!
The thing is it makes it seem like they do more when the shout and start listing things at you, and at those points some people (like me) aren’t always ready for the reduts to spill out of our minds like a restless coke bottle with a mentos in it!
People like me have to take a day or two, to sit and think clearly about what to say back. I think
this is an admirable attribute and very unselfish of me, this is becuz listing things like that hurts ones feelings! And I would know seeing as tho most of these accusations, stereotype remarks and categorizing are aimed in my direction.
Most of the time I don’t say anything but sit an listen, and when it needs to come out it can never, becuz the reply is always so slow. But if I could tell the people who disappoint me that, they do, they would never turn around and tell me how “useless” or “lazy” I am again.
Or how I do nothing for them! If I think about it carefully I’m always there for the people who need it!
But the minute I want some rope to hang onto, or the minute I need a shoulder to cry on, no sorry, those same people have just had their shirts go to the dry cleaners!
I haven’t been a love person, or maybe I have but just has never felt it or seen it?
And I attract the people who are most likely to be disappointing despite all my efforts.
You feel dissapointment when your bf dumps u and your mother sits and tells u, I told u so…. U feel disappointment when u want to give him another chance because u love him, but your friends say f*$# you, if you get back with him we don’t wanna know, an we don’t actually care, but if u do get back with him we’ll consider u an a-hole.
You feel disappointment when your father promises you something infront of people who he wants to “impress” and then behind the scenes does not deliver.
U feel disappointment when u expect something to be handled properly by someone else because u asked them nicely, but in the end, who cares for you?????
Your disappointment is matched with the expectation u set yourself.
I am supposed to be going into matric next year and due to my schools ponsy attitude we will have ours right at the beginning of the year ahead! February.
My date was a guy I used to date but we are really good friends and we hook up regularly! I asked if he’d go with me a few months ago an he said yes. So there I was,
Planning our night, planning big party buses and drinks and my dress then last week he comes and says oh yeah well I’m still coming but we aren’t gonna hook up, becuz now I have a gf!
Despite that I may seem shallow for saying he can’t come for this reason, my reason is simple! He knew he was coming to my dance!
I will get drunk and I will want to get with him…..
And if I know myself at all! If I don’t get with someone, and it is my special night, I will be depressed and sad and lonely, this is besides all the pent up emotion and those previous examples of disappointment I just listed!!! All in the matter is he disappointed me too!
So I think in the list, of all life’s uncertainties, they should add disappointment.
So our final list includes death, taxes, and disappointment, whether it be in 100 small ways or one huuggee way, its inevitably gonna happen.
Its just nice to know that there’s someone to turn. To when u try an gauge when its about to end!

When I look at the colour of my skin….
I feel remorse for my children… In the south africa of today we all wish to see a combined nation.
However this country is just as separated as it was during appartheid!
At schools you see a small improvement where the black children and white children get along moderately well.
However the separation occurs when we see the black kids eating their food in the desolate corners of the school an the white kids sit in the opposite corner!
We,being reflections of our parents, hold grudges
And are also resentful to the fact that in the society of today; white people despite that we ‘still hold the majority of jobs’
Are losing the jobs once given to us becuz we are white?
If some of us are even lucky to apply to a qualified position, we will lose it to our darker counterparts, becuz we are white.
So it raises the question, is our government actually trying their best to do away with social separation? Are we actually a rainbow nation?
It makes me angry that they do this to anyone! DO AWAY WITH BEE DO AWAY WITH SEPARATION!
We as the youth of SA are trying to build a relationship between races but its being laid on faulty boundaries where human condition actually determines friend….or fo?
Most of my black friends aspire to be white! I shake my head! Why? becuz you think you will get a job? NO!!!! Not the case! The food chain has been set by BEE…
Political saga’s still reflect how our political leaders view white or indian input!!!
LAND is nothing without people….dispite race! But it makes me sick to my stomache that nobody knows what the true colour of their skin should be,
In order to fit the criteria to survive I n everyday life in the south africa today!